Ask Amy: Why Do Gay People Always Talk About Being Gay?

I received this Ask on tumblr and I thought it deserved a wider audience.

Question: I am heterosexual. My sexual orientation doesn’t determine if I am a kind, caring, honest or successful person. My values and how I treat others help define who I am. I rarely think about or discuss my heterosexuality. What I do in my sex life is my business. Is it the same for people who have a different sexual orientation? On tumblr I see people constantly discussing their sexual orientation. It seems to be the most important thing on their mind constantly, or does tumblr distort the picture?

Answer: You don’t think about it for the simple reason you’ve never had to. The world (from TV shows to commercials to movies) are made for you, the heterosexual. Watch some tv commercials and see how many are made to appeal to the straight heterosexual (or even the straight family). A simple cereal commercial of a family eating cereal reflects YOUR reality, not mine. And when they try to make a cereal commercial featuring parents of the same sex - people protest!

People are often assumed “heterosexual” without any indication otherwise. For us LBGT folks, the day becomes fraught with a million decisions - will my friend not want to hang out once she finds out I’ve been dating a female? will my female coworkers think im hitting on them if I’m just being nice? will my male co-workers look at me differently once they find out I’m a lesbian? (I can hear you saying right now - but why would you tell them? Well, when you’re going around the room discussing what you did over the weekend, do I tell them my gf and I celebrated our 8th anniversary? Or do i just say “my friend” and let them think I’m single).

When I first came to tumblr, i was surprised so many were talking about sexuality, too. But I came to realize that for many, tumblr is one of the few places they actually feel comfortable talking about their sexuality. Just the other day, i had an Ask from a guy who was afraid to come out to his brother. Have you ever had to worry that a family member would hate you because of your sexuality?

I was in the closet for 7 years (even thought I’m a grown woman) because I was afraid to “disappoint” my parents who probably were expecting me to date another man since I’d been with my ex hub for 12 years. I actually probably wouldn’t have come out when i did had it not been for tumblr. I had learned enough on here and was angry enough as i sat surrounded by coworkers making fun of gay people that I wasn’t going to take it any more. Sure i could have sat quietly and not said anything, but how would you like it if your coworkers were saying awful things about something you identified as? You feel like you are living a lie when you are in the closet. But being out comes with a whole new set of worries:

You’ve probably never worried about holding your significant others hand in public for fear of getting attacked (i have). You’ve probably never had to tell a complete stranger your sexual preference or lie when they ask the simple question - are you dating (this happens to me a lot because I appear to be single)? You’ve never had to reveal your sexual preference to a doctor when they’re wondering about if you need birth control as an unmarried woman - they probably assumed you were heterosexual.

So if it seems it’s on people’s minds constantly, it’s because it kind of is! They often say gay people don’t come out just once, you come out every day and it’s true….because people assume you are straight so you end up either lying or coming out to strangers like the grocery clerk who say things or ask questions because they assume you are straight.

I’m not one of those people who “hate” heterosexual people. I was married to a man for a long time and I’ve identified as straight, bi, and lesbian at various times in my life so I try to be understanding. Hell, even i have so much to learn as a gay woman. But there are a lot of people out there who DO make assumptions based on sexuality and as soon as they find out you aren’t straight, they think differently of you.

Maybe try to put yourself in our shoes for a day and see what it’s like and then you’ll have a better understanding.

Massive Celebrity Photo Leak - Jennifer Lawrence and Others Hacked

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Photos that appear to show a nude Jennifer Lawrence and other scantily clad celebrities are making the rounds today after what appears to be a celebrity photo hack job. Some of the photos show Jennifer in bathing suits while others are nude (the internet was hotly debating whether the nudes were really her). Other alleged victims include Kate Upton, Victoria Justice, Ariana Grande, Kirsten DunstHope SoloKrysten RitterYvonne Strahovski, and Teresa Palmer. Jennifer's people told TMZ

"This is a flagrant violation of privacy. The authorities have been contacted and will prosecute anyone who posts the stolen photos of Jennifer Lawrence."

Victoria Justice has said the photos are not her. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, another victim, said the photos of her were legit, but had been deleted long ago and "can only imagine the creepy effort" that went into getting them.

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Amber Rose Congratulates Wiz Khalifa with Twerking Video

Nothing says "congratulations, honey!" like a scantily clad twerking video! You boyfie got a promotion at work? Your lady love won an award? F*ck the fancy dinner. Just set up the cam and get your booty popping. Well, that's the Amber Rose method. She made a twerking video to congratulate hubby Wiz Khalifa when his album, Blacc Hollywood, hit number 1  on the Billboard 200. Let's hope this trend does not catch on in corporate America. Instead of the gold watch or a nice bonus when you do well at work, you're gonna get a twerking video from the CEO of your company. 

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Union J Perform at the Fusion Festival

JJ Hamblett, Josh Cuthbert, Jaymi Hensley and George Shelley of Union J performed during day 2 of Fusion Festival 2014 in Birmingham, England.

Earlier this year, Jaymi posed with fiancé Olly Marmon in Attitude magazine for the gay marriage edition, which coincided with the implementation of changes to UK marriage law. Jaymi and Olly are scheduled to get married in December of this year.

Can Zachary Quinto and Miles McMillan Be Any Cuter on Instagram?

Actor Zachary Quinto and model Miles McMillan were rumored to be together for over a year, but went official last week. Zachary posted a super hot pic of Miles saying, "all this pretend is making me miss my real life baby. can't wait to see you soon @milesmcmillan ..." while Miles reposted this picture of Zachary (holding someone's baby) saying, "My baby with baby! @zacharyquinto". 

I just...

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The Walking Dead Producer on Daryl Dixon Being Gay and Plans for a New Gay Character

Speculation that The Walking Dead character Daryl Dixon (played by Norman Reedus) might be gay was fueled by comic book creator Robert Kirkman's response on comicbook.com when asked about it:

"All I can say is that it's been discussed. We have very specific ideas about Daryl's sexuality (or the seeming lack thereof), and if there's ever a quiet period in the show where he's not consistently distracted by crossbowing...we'll tackle it in the show."

In an interview with TVLine, executive producer and showrunner Scott Gimple said one of the reason's we don't know Daryl's preferences is that he's a very guarded person:

"We’re not holding back information on Daryl’s sexuality as any sort of big reveal. The fact that there’s still a question as to what Daryl’s orientation is in Season 5 absolutely speaks to Daryl’s character; he is a very guarded, very closed-off individual in a lot of ways."

Gimple went on to say that Dixon's sexuality isn't addressed in the upcoming season, but Daryl will continue to grow closer to the other characters, eventually "letting them see just who he is, in every way." Gimple also said there will be a gay character introduced to the show, but, didn't say when.

Miss Spain Becomes First Openly Gay National Beauty Queen

Miss Spain has become the first openly gay national beauty queen. Patricia Yurena Rodriguez, 24, revealed in an Instagram photo that she is in a relationship with singer Vanesa Cortes. The photo has received more than 9,000 likes. Patricia won Spain's title in both 2008 and 2013 and was runner up the 2013 Miss Universe pageant.

Patricia and her girlfriend met via mutual friends last year, before the 2013 Miss Universe pageant and began dating several months ago. Patricia said:

"I don't regret what I did and I did it because I'm happy about what's going on in my life."

Welcome to the team! 

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Michael Sam, NFL's First Openly Gay Player, Cut by Rams

Michael Sam, who made history as the first openly gay NFL football player, just missed a spot on the St. Louis Rams' roster, not surviving today's final round of cuts. Nooooo! I'm not even a huge football fan, but this is me:

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There's still a chance he could end up on their practice squad, if he’s not signed by another team to its roster. For now, we'll have to wait and see what happens next and where he ends up!

Britney Spears Writes Emotional Letter to Gay Teen Fan

Fan David LeCours met Britney Spears backstage at one of her Las Vegas shows and handed her a note thanking her for inspiring him to come out. A few days later, David received a personal letter from Britney. In the letter she says:

“I was very happy to hear about how courageous you’ve been about being openly gay.

“I’ve always been told as long as you know in your heart that’s what matters most.

“I try to follow my heart and dreams every day of my life and I think that’s why I am where I am today.

“It means so much to me to have a fan like you who takes the time to sit and write me such a touching letter.

“I wish nothing but the best in the future and hope you keep smiling.”

David explains how it all happened in the interview below. 

Britney gets a lot of crap in the media, but every story I've read about her interactions with her fans is about how nice and sweet she is to them.

No Split for Ireland Baldwin and Angel Haze - Pair Walked VMA Red Carpet

Rumors of a breakup between model Ireland Baldwin (Alec Baldwin/Kim Basinger's daughter) and singer Angel Haze were put to rest when the pair walked MTV's Video Music Awards red carpet hand-in-hand. I know, I know, Angel looks pissed as f*ck, but I think that's just her being all "hard" for the cameras. She was a lot happier in a Vine from that night:

The pair also shared a tender moment on the red carpet (keep your carpet munching jokes to yourself, folks).

Ireland wore a black fringe-y dress while Angel wore a green mesh tunic sort of thing with a blazer. Ireland, at 6’2″, towered over Angel (height difference feels!). 

The breakup rumors stemmed from tweets between the pair in July. Ireland tweeted:

"I guess I’ll never quit be enough.”

To which Angel responded:

“Would’ve done it all for you, stupid. i still would.”

Those tweets had fans worried the pair had split, but in August, Angel tweeted a pic of their bed, squashing the rumors:

Lesson learned: putting your personal relationship drama out on social media just gets tongues wagging (and not in the totally awesome lesbionic way either)!

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More than $93,000 Raised for Gay Teen Who Was Beaten and Thrown Out of House

(Warning: This video may disturb some viewers)

Daniel Ashley Pierce, a 19-year-old college student from Kennesaw, Georgia secretly filmed a "delayed intervention" with his Christian parents who disapproved of him being gay because he wanted to "make sure there was evidence in case something happened". Sure enough, something did happen. They beat him and kicked him out of the house. In the video, Daniel argues with his stepmother who demands he move out because she "cannot condone" his homosexuality. She says: 

"I believe in the word of God and God creates nobody that way. It's the path that you have chosen to choose".

His father calls him a "disgrace" and a "damn queer". Daniel posted the video on his Facebook page where it was shared on Reddit by his boyfriend and uploaded to YouTube. The video, called "How not to react when your son tells you he's gay", went viral.

Gofundme crowdfunding campaign created by Daniel's friends to raise $2000 to help Daniel with living expenses after being kicked out has raised more than $93,000 in just two days. Daniel said he planned to donate some of the contributions to help other LGBT young people. On his Gofundme page, Daniel thanked his supporters:

"My life was turned upside down. With this support I am beginning to put it back together."

Did Brangelina Break Their Pledge About Gay Marriage?

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got married over the weekend, surprisingly (or maybe not) breaking their vow to not tie the knot until same-sex marriage was legal nationwide. So, why did they finally walk down the aisle? Pressure from their brood! It's been a long time coming. After 10 years together, it seems their six kids finally got them to reconsider. Us gays in states where gay marriage isn't legal don't have that luxury of succumbing to pressure from the kids to get married. 

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I knew this was coming though. After New York recognized same-sex marriage, Brad said he and Angelina wouldn't be backtracking from their vow, but in 2012, Brad admitted “I don’t think we’ll be able to hold out.”

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In 2011, he told USA Today:

“The kids ask about marriage. It’s meaning more and more to them. So it’s something we’ve got to look at.”

Time’s culture reporter Nolan Feeney called it “frustrating news for the LGBT activists who’d prefer their straight allies not backtrack in their commitment to the cause of marriage equality.”

Matt Bellassai from Buzzfeed summed it up best:

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LGBT Student Scholarship Database

Did you know there are scholarships available to students who are committed to supporting the interests of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning community? 

The Human Rights Campaign has a list of scholarships, fellowships and grants for LGBT and allied students at both the undergraduate and graduate-level! Supporting the LGBTQ community can really pay off! 


“So You Think You Can Dance” Has First Same-Sex Routine

“So You Think You Can Dance” finally did a same-sex dance routine! I'm surprised it took them this long - 11 years! The top four finalists — Valerie Rockey, Ricky Ubeda, Jessica Richens, and Zack Everhart Jr. — performed a tribute to marriage equality. Wearing white suits and dresses, the dancers danced to Wind Beneath My Wings for the opening number. The routine was choreographed by out choreographer Travis Wall, once a SYTYCD contestant himself!

Stockholm Street Style during Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2015

Check out some of the Stockholm street styles during Stockholm's Spring/Summer 2015 Fashion Week. On August 26, Sweden’s Minister for Gender Equality, Maria Arnholm, opened Fashion Week. Kajsa Guterstam, acting General Secretary of the Association of Swedish Fashion Brands said:

“It’s great that Maria Arnholm is going to open this season’s Fashion Week. Gender equality is a central issue for many of the brands showing here. It featured prominently in debate last season and we are seeing it continue during this one." 

Laverne Cox Brings the Glamour to the Emmy Awards

Orange is the New Black star, Laverne Cox, brought the glamour to the Emmy Awards red carpet in a gorgeous Marc Bouwer white gown with a train. This was her first trip to the Emmys. 

Laverne made history as the first transgender person ever to be nominated for an Emmy award. She was nominated in the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series category for her role as Sophia Burset on OITNB. While she lost the Emmy to fellow cast member Uzo Aduba, I think it's safe to say Laverne won the red carpet! 


Harry Styles Shows Support for Michael Sam by Wearing Jersey in Concert

One Direction's Harry Styles showed his support for openly gay NFL football player, Michael Sam, during a concert in St. Louis. He wore Michael Sam's #96 St. Louis Rams jersey during the show at Edward Jones Dome where the Rams play. Harry's actions spread like wildfire across social media as the Rams, Michael Sam, GLAAD, and other LGBT organizations tweeted and posted about his support. 

Harry's support couldn't have come at a better time. ESPN caused controversy by reporting on Sam's showering habits during training camp, but later apologized, saying the segment "failed to meet the standards we have set in reporting on LGBT-related topics in sports." Michael Sam just survived the first round of the Rams roster cuts. 

This isn't the first time Harry's shown support for the LGBT community. Harry's been spotted in a "Love is Equal" shirt. He tweeted that he believes in equal rights for all after the Westboro Baptist Church picketed a One Direction show. He also retweeted support for the UK's first step in legalizing gay marriage and asked concert goers if they were ready for "a good equal time" (at :55 in the video).

During Pride Week this year, he wished everyone a "Happy Pride" during a concert.

Earlier this year, he wished the London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard a happy 40th birthday.

Thanks for the support, Harry!

Rainbow Scoop Being Served Up Soon!

Welcome to the newest LGBTQ celebrity gossip and fashion site! We'll be featuring all your favorite rainbow-friendly celebs, fashion, and advice.

We'll hook you up with places to find support and worthy causes that could use YOUR support. We're not just for "the gays" either! We welcome our straight allies as well. We want to be all-inclusive so we'll often use the term "rainbow" to encompass all facets of the community. 

We also want to hear from you! Have a coming out story or something else you want to share with the class? Tell us by sending an email to amy@rainbowscoop.com. You can send suggestions and questions to that address as well! 

So stay tuned! We'll be serving up the scoop soon!